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 Divine Homesickness: “What’s too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget”
Posted: Wednesday April 20, 2005 11:33 PM EST
 The author's self portrait
The aim of The Sufis is the removal of all veils between individual and God, Lover and Beloved. The only energy the Sufis believe is capable of dissolving these barriers is Love. Love activates the unconscious bringing us face to face with our own darkness, enabling us to purify the psyche and prepare a space where love and Beloved can meet. (3)...the tears we cry are the homesickness of the Soul. (4) It is in the paradigm of love that we can do the deepest inner work. The darkest shadows loom like moisture laden clouds over a broken heart and can be traced back to childhood and beyond. “In a human love affair we can taste not only the bliss hidden in the heart, but also the pain of our separation from the Source.” (5) This bitter sweetness becomes an insatiable craving and for some it becomes an obsession. For the latter individuals this fundamental need is often coupled with a sense of abandonment, for in the deepest sense they are the outcasts in this world, knowing in the depths of the heart that they belong somewhere else. In exile there is an insistent and pervasive feeling of dissatisfaction, never enough despite accomplishment and possessions. In hypnotherapy, by regressing back to the source of the presenting issue- dissatisfaction, feeling alienated, unworthy/unlovable, abandoned, separation anxiety, etc, we can discover what is real now and what would seem to be reverberations from childhood or whose genesis may be preverbal. “Attachment and bonding are supposed to create a deep connection for us with those who are significant to us at those early stages in life. If the significant persons are not themselves connected to Self/Spirit, then they cannot offer it to their babies...They are suffering what I call the ‘broken baby and lost spirit’ syndrome.” (6) How many of us are grown-up broken babies? As adults these earlier traumatic memories get triggered. When we are triggered our experience takes on a distorted nature because it is in fact a reaction to an accumulation of pain, rejection, loss etc. Through the process of hypnotherapy we can release and reframe these earlier traumas emotionally disengaging the client from the memory and thereby diffusing the trigger. “The ability to experience Altered States of Consciousness (ASC) is the key to accessing the resources of the archaic, archetypal and ancient memories. The ASC is the key to deep psychic energy release and the consequent healing which accrues…As the roots of the Chronic Grief are systematically addressed and the turbulence i.e. the chaos in the system is addressed, the sufferer has fewer and fewer episodes of distress, and grief, and more joy.” (7) Once the source traumas have been identified then a healing is possible. It is common to approach the existential issue of Divine Homesickness as a grief recovery process. Working through the stages of grief outlined below is used to resolve all types of loss- relationship, death, health, financial and even TRUST in God.
I. Shock - numbness
II. Anger - hostility
III. Depression
IV. Preoccupation with and idealization of the love object – yearning for their return V. Guilt and self reproach: “I should have …….” or “If only I had ……..”
VI. Acceptance – Feeling of freedom, new energies, spiritual peace, forgiveness of self and God
An example of this process is when I worked with a new widow. Obviously the numbness was a way for her body to survive the shock of her husband’s death. There is no need to rush this process of recovery but what lurks behind the semi-sheer curtain of numbness are the fears of a woman left to cope without the help of her husband. She questioned her ability to make the right decisions regarding her children’s’ futures. At the same time, she denied her feelings- her fears and anxieties- because she had to be the strong one in order to protect and provide for her children. Upon identifying and owning her vulnerability she was also able to access an infinite resource of strength and inner wisdom that we all possess. We spent many sessions harvesting this wisdom and creating a sense of safety, peace and inner-strength. The next phase targeted her anger. She was able to admit, express and let go of the resentment that she had for her husband who suddenly left her, and at God who chose a father of two small children to have a brain tumor. By casting this blanket of blame aside a much more tender and fragile women appeared. She felt helpless that there was nothing she could have done to prevent his death. We also explored the guilt that she felt for not being all she could have been to him while he was alive. We were able through age regressions to identify other experiences of helplessness and hopelessness, shame and guilt, which were triggered by her husband’s death. By reconnecting with these child parts (healing and integrating them) she felt more equipped to understand the needs of her children. The gaping hole in her heart left by her husband’s death still needed to be addressed. Our next job was to develop a means of connecting with his Spirit, which naturally evolved into the possibility of allowing other Divine energies to inspire her journey. For someone without a spiritual practice or belief system this was a mighty step. In addition to hypnotherapy we worked with her dreams, which also spring forth from the subconscious mind, to bring her guidance. Her increased awareness of Self opened a channel for her husband to communicate and participate in his family’s life. Through this process she was able to forgive her husband, God and herself. Her husband’s death introduced her to a Love greater than she imagined possible. By working through these layers of grief no matter the catalyst the ultimate destination is reconnecting with the Divine, a form of rebirth. This great loving source awaits our return beckoning us through the sufferings he places in our path and the seeds of longing he plants in our hearts.
Bibliography
1. Robert Johnson, We, (HarperCollins Publishers, 1985), 45.
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